I'm NOT stressed out, I'm just FINE!

when walking in the broad road,

under the leafy trees,

beside the football field,

I feel the wind blowing leaves

and touching the dark brown skin

then I smile for the flowers that come and go

for the wind that shows its soft power and carries drizzle

for the couples under the colorful umbrellas

they are just like romance stories speak around me

sweet to see, but only they know the truth

I enjoy the steps and surroundings

just like I am in

in the pictures that I draw oftentimes

every step I make brings a story

every step those couples make bring stories

I just enjoy the steps and times

times that also bring different stories for each human

the perfect times only be laid on the hand of Creator

and I keep making steps till coming to the time

remember! I am not just standing. I am not just sitting. I am not just eating.

I am just making steps. I enjoy making steps.

I am not in chaos when waiting and making steps

I'm NOT stressed out, I'm just FINE!

The Room of Sigh(s)

It's 2 A.M. already and I miss writing something here, so I write.

Today, I went to campus with a heart full of spirit to deal with assignments (as usual). Then, I entered a room. It's Access room actually, the base camp of Access crew. Yet, somehow, I wanted to call it "bunglon" room or the room of sigh(s).

I Called It An Image Mutilation!

ya see the end of the sea?

nope?

yep, so think as broad as it

im a planner

an' im not makin' a plan to put u in the special order

please just keep SILENT if sumthin's still UNSURE

do not make others think fast and false!

that's an image mutilation.

GOD really spoke to me

Days before that day, I didn't know, I just felt that peop around me didn't really love and care about me. Actually that was not a new thing. So, the same thing that I had ever felt several years ago came back and I totally hated it. It hurted me as painful as before. I'm sure none wants to try to feel it. At that time, I was lil bit frustrated, I didn't have any ideas why it happened again and I always remembered that I ever said to God in a prayer before I decided to study in Sala3 that "Dear God, if U really wants me to go there, please please please don't let me suffer and feel that kind of thing again, I want many friends beside me." However, that thing came! I felt none I could trust, none really loved me as I dreamed, there was me or not, it didn't change anything at all! "That was okay!" I tried to calm down ma self. At that time I just didn't want to relate it to God, I just avoided ma self to blame Him bcz I know He's good. What I thought only the way to go away from them that caused this feeling to save ma heart. Afterward, at night, I did my silent time, I really needed to talk to Him, to share all my feelings. Then, I prayed with trembling heart and voice. After that, I opened the given verse for that day from a reflection book, Yesaya 43:4.
"Oh, God!" my tears falling down like flood when I read it.

Oleh karena engkau berharga di mata-Ku dan mulia, dan Aku ini mengasihi engkau, maka Aku memberikan manusia sebagai gantimu, dan bangsa-bangsa sebagai ganti nyawamu.

I read it once again and tears went down more and more. GOD really spoke to me. When I, even people felt that I was nothing, HE said that I was everything for HIM. HE encouraged 'n strengthened my broken heart directly. HE reminded me 'bout HIS unlimited true love, faithful love without any requirements, for me. And I should put the worth of myself in GOD who was able to receive me with HIS unrequirement love.

Thanks GOD, I know YOU are good 'n always.
Dn't see how big ur problem is, yet say "See, How BIG my GOD is!" to problem. :)

"T DOUBLE K"

Almost everyone has ever failed in various things and when we fail, we feel sad, angry, disappointed of course, or we feel like the earth collapses above our head and u scream, “Oh my God, It’s doomsday!!!” then you are hopeless and give up, is it right?

As we know, when u get a failure what u have to do is don’t give up, keep moving on, and try again and again. But what will u do when u get an unusual failure I mean a failure that always happen repeatedly in your life??? Or like this, when u fail once, then u try again, but fail u fail again, and u try again, fail again, and try again, but u fail again, what will u do?? How is your feel?? There are many examples like I have ever watched a university student killed his self because he failed in his thesis. That was very terrible, right!

I have a little story about a little butterfly. There was a little butterfly that had just born in this world. Let’s called her Momo. One day Momo looked at their friends were flying freely in the sky. Momo really wanted to fly like them because she had wings too, so she should fly like others. Then Momo tried to fly enthusiasmly, but she fell down for the first time. Momo didn’t want to give up, she tried to fly again, but there was a fast wind blew her, and she fell down again. She tried again for the third times but her wings were not strong enough to fly higher, she fell down again, and all her friends that could fly laughing at her, Momo felt very embarrassed, and guess what? Momo decided not to try flying again and buried her dream to fly, at the and Momo was the only butterfly that couldn’t fly.

Well, if we fail again and again, like Momo we can choose to give up and say “good bye” to our target, but we have other option too, that is keep fighting, think positively, and keep praying. Because our every failure is a process to make ourselves strong and not easy to give up, so keep fighting! Think positively, when u “fell down” don’t judge that you’re stupid or loser or don’t think that u’re cursed to be an unlucky person, but believe that God never created one for bad things but good things, and ask God to help us. so just always think positively and believe in God, keep praying.

Finally, guys, when you are in the hard struggle to reach ur target for example to get best GPA in this semester, finish thesis, or to get ur dream job in the future, remember “T DOUBLE K” (Think positively, keep fighting, and keep praying) just like a quotation says “Just do our best and God will do the rest”

Friends created my smile

“Five minutes more!” said the teacher from his chair in the corner of the classroom beside the whiteboard. I started to be panic. My right hand wiped sweat that was drown out on my brow with a handkerchief and I knitted forehead to think hard about the exact answers of two more questions that I didn’t answer yet in this Critical Reading test. Unfortunately, the time was almost at an end. Some students submitted their answer sheet on the teacher’s table before the teacher said ‘time is up’. I my self couldn’t answer one more question when the teacher said loudly, “Time is up!! Everyone submits your answer sheet on this table right now!!!” while pointing toward his table with his sharp eyes that were beholding all the students. I submitted my answer sheet on the teacher’s table fatefully because I missed one question.

After the test, my friends, Zilpa and Damay, and I went to the canteen to buy some food and drinks to refresh our mind from the test. I still felt very disappointed with my self because I couldn’t do the test well and I couldn’t forget it. But I wondered when I saw my friends’ face were happy as usual, it seemed like they hadn’t had a very difficult test today.

“I hate my brain! I can’t do the test well whereas I’ve read all the materials last night!!! Ugh!!!” I sighed while ordering a glass of ice tea.

“Calm down, Rayi. You have done your best!” said Zilpa while clapping my right shoulder.

“Yup! Just forget it guys! How about we go to there?” Damay was pointing toward a park beside the canteen that was known as Bukit Salib. “Taking pictures!” she shouted cheerfully.

“Good idea!” Zilpa shouted too. She hugged Damay and I while smiling brightly as bright as the sun in that afternoon. We did long-joyful steps to Bukit Salib. Actually I was not really excited like them to take pictures because I still felt dejected with my Critical Reading test.

That was a great shiny day with light-blue sky, clear-white cloud, and small-cute birds’ twitter everywhere. Bukit Salib was such a small green hill in my campus that had fresh air because there were many shady-big-green trees that contributed clear oxygen for breathing and some colorful and gorgeous flowers added the comeliness of Bukit Salib. There were not few dark brown-wooden benches and tables too here. I saw people around me laughing gladly with their friends while doing their own various activities like chatting, doing lecture assignments, taking a rest while eating snacks, and many others. This place was really perfect and suitable to restore mind from the saturation in studying like what my friends and I were doing right now.

Among people who were busy with their own activities, friends of mine and I chose to sit in the long-dark-brown-wooden chair in the centre of the park and under a leafy-big-green tree. Then, Zilpa took her notebook outside immediately and put it on the round-dark-brown-wooden table. She turned on the webcam and we were ready to take pictures. Then, we were smiling widely with our own pose.

“Say cheers!” shouted Damay. “Cheeeeeerrrrrrsssss!!!!” yelled all of us. Ckrek! We took a nice picture of ourselves. All were smiling as we felt that we hadn’t had a difficult test at this moment.

We changed our pose and took our pictures once again. We did it several times with different poses and positions, and we laughed together when we took a picture with some silly expressions like stressed out faces with untidy hair, worried faces with biting our hand’s nails, and many other silly expressions. It made some people’s astonished-eyes staring at us but we didn’t care, we had sunken in our happiness.

We just did a simple thing, which was taking pictures, but this became a special thing when we did it with friends. I really could forget my sadness of my test because there were my friends beside me who were able to create a smile on my face. I realized that friends were one of the important things in my life that were able to make my life more cheerful and colorful. Friends also taught me about togetherness that could recoup sadness with happiness.

*It was my Narrative Writing Final Draft :D

Nuel, Rayi (me), Damay, Finna, and Zilpa

with different position and pose^^